You cut me to the quick when you said publish or perish
And that I should ignore the work that I cherish
And focus my life on your preferences
So that you can have more references
That you can make me do it is a pretty neat trick
But to hear you say it really cut me to the quick

You caught me offguard with your power play
And the bombshells hidden in your shades of gray
And now you come, preaching detente
Another mixed message from the dilettante
That you pulled it off really wasn't that hard
But to hear you say it really caught me off guard

You left me cold with your strongarm tactics
And the pressure to adhere to your didactics
Pushing your pedagogy by force
Like acid rain on academic discourse
That you sold your soul wasn't really that bold
But to hear you say it really left me cold

Yes you cut me to the quick, it was a pretty neat trick
And you caught me off guard, but that wasn't all that hard
And you left me cold, but that wasn't all that bold
And you caught me off guard, but that wasn't all that hard

You had me going with the snicker and grin
And the friendly tone of your wagging chin
Your characteristic lubricity
Masking your usual duplicity
That seemed like the same old hot air blowing
But to hear you say it really had me going

You knocked me out with your big surprise
And the rank deception that your word implies
All your lobbying behind the scenes
And the ends that always justify your means
That you were always capable, I had no doubt
But to hear you say it really knocked me out

You pissed me off with your paradigms
And your other assorted intellectual crimes
Occupying the low moral ground
Always paying a penny and demanding a pound
I couldn't care less that you were feeding at the trough
But to hear you say it really pissed me off

You made me smile with your survey scores
And the empirical garbage that you peddle to the whores
Projecting data to the end of time
Conclusions reached without reason or rhyme
You might have missed the point by a country mile
But to hear you say it really made me smile

You made me sick with your latest trick
Sucking up to the boss and your usual schtick
Singing your song like a bird in a cage
A pathetic performance worthy of the stage
That you would do it is part of what makes you tick
But to hear you say it really made me sick

Yes you had me going with the same old hot air blowing
And you pissed me off with your feeding at the trough
And you made me smile, missed the point by a country mile
And you made me sick, but it's what makes you tick